


A Chance To Breathe

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: M/M, No effort has been made to adhere to the in-game romance timeline, Post-Manaan, pre-reveal, since we're already slow-roasting canon at 425 degrees here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 13:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13148037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: With Manaan's Star Map recovered and the Selkath Progenitor saved, the Ebon Hawk crew gets a night in a hotel to relax a little.





	A Chance To Breathe

“You’re worried for him.”

Bastila’s words broke Carth from his reverie, staring out at the Manaan ocean depths. They’d used a submersible to reach the bottom of Manaan’s deeps, on the request of a Republic ambassador, hoping that it would let them gain access to the Star Map.

And Dartak, their unofficial leader on this mission, had gone ahead alone. With only a pressure suit protecting him from the fathoms pressing on him. And the firaxa sharks. 

“Of course I am, Bastila. He’s out there alone.”

“That is not what I mean.” 

Oh. 

Carth supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that Bastila knew that he and Dartak were growing close. Not only was she a Jedi, she and Dartak had that ‘Force bond’ they were using to follow Revan’s path to the Star Maps. And the Ebon Hawk was a small vessel, with little opportunity to keep secrets. 

“Yes, I care about him. I know that isn’t in keeping with Jedi ideals, but I’m not a Jedi.”

“He is. He has committed himself to the Jedi Order, the Jedi way.” Bastila sounded like she was trying to offer her idea of sympathy. Of course, when she was using that to tell Carth that he and Dartak shouldn’t have a relationship, the idea of ‘sympathy’ from a Jedi rang a little hollow.

Carth didn’t particularly care to get into an argument right now – the Jedi opposition to romantic relationships was rather well established, enough that he knew it’d be arguing with a brick wall – but he also needed a distraction from his worry and concern for Dartak. “Bastila, you can’t convince me that there’s so much to fear from love that it should be shunned entirely. And Dartak is a grown man, capable of deciding for himself if he’s going to follow his heart. Whatever the Jedi Council says, they’re still only mortal. They’re capable of being wrong.”

“The Jedi Council are the wisest and most knowledgeable about the Force, Carth. They are not prone to mistakes.”

“We’re talking about the same group of Jedi masters who decided they were going to wait and see how devastated the Outer Rim would be before maybe doing something about the Mandalorians?” Carth knew it was a cheap shot, but it was still a valid point. Whatever reasons the Jedi Council had for staying out of the Mandalorian Wars, the simple fact was no one in the Republic would argue that it had been the right thing to do. 

And Bastila knew that this was a point that she’d never get him to give on. “Carth... He has sworn an oath to the Jedi. Whether or not that means anything to you, surely you can’t argue that it is something that should matter to him. Aren’t our oaths what define us, the things we have chosen to swear ourselves to, give our loyalty? Would you ask him to turn his back on that? For you?”

Her change of tactics was equally a cheap shot – Carth had sworn an oath to the Republic, and he’d upheld that, at the expense of his family on Telos. That was something that he regretted now, but he also considered the oath he’d sworn to the Republic to be of importance all the same. Breaking it would break him.

Still, he had to push against the idea that the feelings he and Dartak had were wrong. “What does it say about any organization that they demand those who join them to suppress their feelings for others, especially when that same organization claims that it’s dedicated to extend compassion? The Jedi Council has some very bizarre ideas on what it is to be compassionate to the people in the galaxy, I’ll say that.”

There were a flurry of emotions on Bastila’s face, and ultimately she seemed to just decide to accept that she could not change Carth’s mind. “I believe it best you reconsider this, Carth, but I can see you refuse to be persuaded otherwise.” She said it with regret, as if she believed that this would only lead him and Dartak down a dangerous path. Carth decided he’d take what he could get on the subject.

***

When Dartak returned with the Star Map, having survived an encounter with what might have been both the mother of all firaxa sharks and the source of Manaan’s kolto, the only reason that Manaan was able to maintain its neutrality, the group had quickly returned to the submersible, heading back to the surface. The trip was made in silence, aside from the various noises of the sub as it took them back up to the Republic embassy. 

And at the embassy, they were greeted by Selkath authorities, wanting to know about what Dartak had done – the big shark apparently played a part in Selkath mythology, was believed to be the source of the planet’s kolto. So it was a good thing that Dartak hadn’t killed it as the Republic scientists Roland Wann had recovered shortly after their return had suggested. In their gratitude, the Ebon Hawk crew were being allowed to go free. However, Dartak had suggested that they not immediately proceed to their next destination, a suggestion that had been eagerly embraced by all of the crew. They might be on a roll with the Star Maps, but the next one – the last one – was on Korriban, on what was considered to effectively be the Sith homeworld. They would need to fortify themselves before heading to the effective heart of Sith territory.

The results of the Selkath inquiry had been disclosed to Roland Wann, at least in such a manner that made him reconsider his initial response. He offered the crew a night at Ahto City’s hotel, which the crew were happy to take him up on. As much as the Ebon Hawk had become home, it was still cramped, and still required someone at the pilot’s seat at pretty much all times it was in flight, just to make sure any unexpected events were handled by a reactive hand. Getting to spend a night without having to remain on watch there was a nice treat.

Plus, at the hotel, everyone could get their own rooms.

Of course, Dartak and Carth chose to share a room, Carth pointedly not acknowledging the look Bastila gave them as they made their way into the room (on the second floor of the hotel, given that the first floor was still clearing out the murder scene – as a whole, the Ebon Hawk crew were pointedly ignoring the whole business that had occurred below them). 

Dartak sighed contentedly as he stared out the window, looking out at the ocean vista. “As much as I love the stars, I have to admit... That’s a nice view. Granted, I am getting a little tired of water, but...”

Carth smiled at him. “I can imagine. Still... That is a nice view.” Carth had lived in cities on Telos, far from the oceans. Dartak had mentioned he’d come from Deralia, which was something of a frontier world, but he’d grown up somewhere far from the ocean as well, having been settled more in the center of the continent and not having quite established much in the way of beach cities yet.

This view, Manaan’s oceans at night, the moonlight and stars glinting on the water stretching out to infinity, as far as the eye could see... Even the reflected lights of Ahto City only added to the beauty of the sight. For a little while, it seemed like the concerns of the war, the Sith fleet pressing on the Republic, were just an abstract thought experiment, more than a reality that pressed on them.

As he looked out at the view, he felt Dartak wrap his arms around him from behind, gently nuzzling his head against Carth’s neck. Carth let his fingers entwine with Dartak’s own. “How are you doing?” he asked softly. Dartak had managed to make it through the Tatooine desert and Kashyyyk Shadowlands without growing quite so affectionately needy, though, he realized, that could have just as easily been because he and Carth hadn’t taken that step just yet at the time. And the things that he went through collecting the Star Maps were harrowing.

“I think I’ll be okay. Though I don’t think I’m going to want sea food for a very long time...” Dartak sighed, and he pressed his lips against the back of Carth’s neck, more for the comfort of contact than any attempt to start something. “This is... a lot to deal with. You know, six months ago, I was running cargo on the Outer Rim.” ‘Cargo’ that was probably not quite legal, Carth figured, but he wasn’t going to hold that against him. 

“And now you’re a Jedi, on a mission to save the galaxy.” He hesitated for a moment. “What does that mean for you, anyway?”

“What do you mean?” That made Dartak stiffen and pull back, unsure where Carth was taking the conversation.

Carth turned to him and tried to give him a comforting smile. He wasn’t sure how well he succeeded at that goal. “Bastila was... concerned about your oath to the Jedi and... what’s happening between us.”

Dartak scowled. “The Jedi can space themselves if they try to tell me that I can’t love someone.”

Which, really, was how Carth felt on the matter as well – it hadn’t been Jedi having relationships that had nearly let the Republic fall to the Mandalorians. It had been the Jedi who’d told the Jedi Council where to shove their lightsabers who’d prevented the Republic from falling to the Mandalorians. But the flip side of that was that those Jedi also had fallen, followed Revan and Malak to war. 

“She pointed out that you gave the Jedi an oath, that you intended to follow their rules. That would be one of them. Probably what the Jedi would call one of the most important ones.”

“So I’ll call Jolee a bad example and call it a day.” Dartak shook his head. “Carth, what... Are you trying to end this?”

“No! No, of course not.” Carth took Dartak’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I want this. You... I haven’t been as happy as I have been with you in... in years.” Sometimes with Dartak, Carth even could forget that burning pit of rage directed at Saul Karath. There’d even been a part of him that had once anticipated that, after the inevitable confrontation with Saul, he’d die, and that part had grown silent as he and Dartak had grown closer. 

Dartak nodded, letting out a sigh as he tried to smile. “I’m sorry, Carth. Just... Bastila’s spoken to me about the dangers of ‘attachment’ too, and... It sounded like bantha poodoo from her, even before Jolee showed that it wasn’t even the certainty the Jedi try and make it seem.” He shook his head again. “She shouldn’t have brought it up with you. I’m the one who agreed to join the Jedi. But... I honestly felt like the Jedi were all but dragging me into their Order. I agreed to learn these skills, but... I don’t know, I guess I feel like if there wasn’t the whole hanging sword of Malak and the Sith over our heads, I wouldn’t have stuck it out with the Jedi.”

That got Carth to chuckle. “I... have to admit, you’ve never really struck me as being the model Jedi.”

“A month of training on Dantooine, then shoved out the door to go stop the Sith? Yeah, whatever example they were using for what a Jedi should be... I don’t think they had me in mind.” He sighed. “Honestly? I have every intention of leaving the Jedi behind after this. I won’t... I won’t just leave the Republic to the Sith. I mean, I made the choice to join with the Republic and fight the war, even if that was the alternative to prison time. But the Jedi... Joining them felt like an obligation. And that obligation... As far as I care, that ends after Malak is defeated.”

Thinking about the future was a concept that Carth had somewhat given up since Telos. He’d never really thought about what the future would hold, at least beyond finding and killing Saul. He hadn’t thought about his chances of having a future beyond that much, if at all, before meeting Dartak. 

“You’d take the Ebon Hawk, and... what, just... disappear into the Unknown Regions?”

“I was thinking Wild Space. Maybe seek the treasures of Xim the Despot or the lost treasures of Varl. Something like that. Just... escape all of this Jedi business and... live as me.”

“Would the Jedi even let you? They made such a fuss about your raw ability, about how strong you are in the Force...”

“Again, the Jedi can get spaced if they want to get in the way. I have no interest in shackling myself to their doctrine, their attitude that if a feeling exists, it must be negative, something that will send someone spiraling to the dark side, that just because someone is in love, they must be at risk of turning ‘evil’...” He added a sarcastic wave of his hands to make it clear just how much he didn’t believe the Jedi party line.

It was, Carth could admit, a valid enough line of thinking. The Jedi seemed overcautious, and really, what had their caution given the galaxy? Exar Kun, Ulic Qel-Droma, Revan and Malak... Not to mention that business a few years back with that Jedi fugitive, Zayne. The Jedi way was more flawed than they seemed willing to consider. 

“So, tell me something. You do this, you leave the Jedi, leave the Republic, take the Ebon Hawk and fly out to the unmapped regions of the galaxy... Would you be doing this alone?”

Dartak made an exaggerated show of considering things. “I don’t know. I might be in the market for a dashing copilot. Someone handy with a blaster. Preferably easy on the eyes, too. What can I say, I’m a shallow man.”

And Carth couldn’t help but smile. “I... might know someone who could fill that position.”

“Really? You’ll have to let me see their credentials. Let me judge this for myself.” He’d moved closer to Carth, so they were nose to nose, almost – but not quite – touching.

“Well, let me start with this... He’s in love with you.” Carth didn’t use that word casually, but he’d found in Dartak someone who made him picture a future again, for the first time in years. A future with the two of them, together. If that wasn’t love, he didn’t know what was. 

Dartak hesitated at the admission, the first time he’d heard Carth say that. Then he smiled. “I love you too, Carth.” He met Carth’s lips with that, closing the distance between them.


End file.
